AAY 006 - Single? Me?

Today in the studio we have two young women, who decided to kick the single life to the curb. What made them decide to settle down so young? How did they cope with the pressures of High School and University? Find out more about their story!

Put your problems in perspective.

One of these days I went past a butterfly on the wall and its size caught my attention, so I decided to take a picture of it. When I looked at the picture I had just taken, the butterfly looked so much bigger in the picture than it  actually was, so I decided to take another picture that put in perspective the size of that butterfly. Have a look at the difference of the two pictures!

How have you been looking at your problems?

This had me thinking... if our perception is limited, things could appear much bigger than they seem. Sometimes one needs a broader vision to put things in their true perspective. 

How have you been looking at the problems that you are going through? While your eyes are narrowed in on the problem, it will seem bigger than it is. In order to put it into perspective, you need to take a step back and broaden your vision. 

When you stop looking at your problem and start looking at God, your vision broadens, because you begin to understand that in comparison to Him, the size of your problem is insignificant, just as the butterfly's size is insignificant compared to the hand next to it.

Don't be overwhelmed by your problems. Allow God to step into the picture, so you may see the size of your problem shrinking before your eyes!

God bless!

By Fernanda Schlenker.

What do women want in a man?

Women's Meeting at the Rainbow Theatre in London.

In this week's meeting we asked ourselves what it is we women want in a man. We watched a clip of the Love Therapy meeting, which took place on Thursday the 16th of July, at Temple of Solomon, in Brazil, in which author and columnist Ester Bezerra, who is married for 43 years to the leader of the UCKG HelpCentre, Bishop Edir Macedo, affirmed that women want security in a man.

Author and Columnist Ester Bezerra

Security and protection

She explained that as a little girl, the woman feels secure at home. Her father provides all she needs and offers her protection. When she gets married, the man removes her from this stability and vows to live with her for the rest of her life. Therefore, she will seek from him the same security and protection which she had at home. A woman's insecurities begin when she doesn't find this protector in her husband. She wants to feel like she is the most loved woman on earth, the only woman in his life.

Finding this protective partner can prove to be a challenge for many women, and we advise that you observe the man you allow into your life very well, before you commit to him. However, when you find an honest and reliable partner, without a doubt, you should hold on to him, and we would like to introduce you to One.

He meets your needs

When a dying thief who had previously betrayed Him asked Him for salvation, Jesus answered him, "I assure you, today you will be with me in Paradise." All it took was a sincere request for help and immediately the help he needed was provided. 

The help came with no complications. It was immediate! And, that's how things are with Him. He is always ready to meet our every need. What help do you need right now? Don't complicate what is simple. Let Him meet your needs.

Call our Helpline on 020 7686-6000 for further information.

How can I know my kids better?

Every Sunday after our 10am meeting, we gather with mothers to pray for our children and to share basic advise of how we can improve our relationship with them. Every Monday we'll be sharing with you what we speak about at these special gatherings.

Older children become more reserved

When our children are small, they tell us everything. They arrive home from school and begin filling our ears with interesting details of their day - what they got up to with their friends, what the teacher said, which game they played, etc. But, as they grow older, this all starts changing. They become more reserved and keep what they do during the day to themselves. Well, how can we as parents become friends with them and get get to know them better?

Discover their interests

Good friends spend time together and share common interests. It will be no different with our children. Find out about their interests - things they like and enjoy - and do those together with them. You may find it less engaging than the things you enjoy, but remember, to conquer them, you need to go down to their level. Remember, it's not about imposing your interests on them, but about discovering theirs. 

Join us this coming Sunday for another informative Mothers in Prayer gathering. Don't miss!

The diary of an ex-sufferer - Falling in love.

Today we're continuing with the diary of Antonia Alencar, an ex-sufferer whose life got transformed. If you've missed the beginning of her story, follow it here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.

After my hard childhood, falling in love was a really exciting time in my life. I could finally start sharing my life and struggles with someone. I met a guy who seemed really nice and we dated for two years. But, my fairytale didn't last long. We soon began having a lot of arguments and misunderstandings. The romantic in me wanted to believe in a good ending, so I stayed in that bad relationship. He preferred spending time with his friends instead of me.

I shed a lot of tears

My friends told me to end it, because I deserved better, but I didn't want to lose one more thing in my life. I believed he would change. I shed a lot of tears in secret, not understanding why he was so cold towards me. One day I came home from university and found an email from him in my inbox. He wrote, "I can't continue dating you any more, I'm ending this relationship." 

I became livid. How could he break up with me by email? I wrote him, telling him to be man enough to break up with me in person. A week later I found out that he was dating another guy. Yes, that's right, he was dating another man! The friends he preferred spending time with were who he liked. 

Antonia Alencar picked herself up after a terrible breakup.

My self-esteem took a dive. I was very disappointed by his actions. Negative thoughts bombarded my head. But, as time went by, I slowly got over that pain. I learned to be more observant when it came to choosing someone. 

Hope for the future

Although I was greatly disappointed, I believed in a brighter future. I knew that my life wasn't over. Life goes on, and so I focused on valuing and loving myself instead. I knew that my story would have a happy ending one day, so I chose to move on.

Next week you'll read how my story ends in the final part of my diary - Part 7 - I gave myself a chance.

How to build a strong friendship in marriage.

One of the things that brings distance in couples is not sharing common interests. He likes football, you like movies. So, he goes off to watch a match with his friends and you go watch movies with your friends. Before you know it, you're both drifting apart and because you're drifting apart, you are less motivated to spend time together. 

             Change the cycle 

Somewhere, this cycle needs to be broken, so that a new cycle – a good cycle – can begin. Seeing that between the two of you, the only one you can control is yourself, breaking this cycle must be your responsibility. So, where should you start? Start observing what interests him and participate in his hobbies. Instead of doing your nails in the bedroom, sit next to him while he watches the game and engage in it, even though you may understand very little. Accompany him when he goes out to do the things he loves doing.

Fun is contagious

In the beginning you may feel like you need like you're being fake, pretending to like something you don't, but you will be watching him do things he enjoys. You’ll see him laugh, have fun, relax and be vulnerable. 

And, because laughter and fun are contagious, you will be soon joining him in the fun. That’s when the distance between the two of you will shorten.

Hollywood leads us to believe that this friendship happens automatically, but, love requires investment. It is not about focusing on your own needs. It is about choosing to make someone happy – choosing to be someone’s dream come true. The more you strive to make your partner happy, the more valuable you become to him.

How to spot a good friend.

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This week we held the fifth session of our Inner Healing Seminar we spoke about friendships. One of the gifts we have as women is to be sensitive and nurturing of others, which gives us the ability to be excellent friends. 

However, we find that women who have been hurt in the past find it hard to reach out to others and become friends with them. Well, a great way of healing and overcoming the past is going against these tendency. Forget about your own flaws and make yourself vulnerable and available as a friend to someone else.  It’s an act of faith that will break down barriers.

Here are 6 basic points you should consider when choosing a friend (and how YOU should behave as a friend):

She encourages you to be positive

She has good morals and 

inspires you to be a good person

She is happy with herself so 

she doesn’t depend too much on you

She doesn’t try to manipulate 

or force you to please her

She appreciates your talents and ideas

She is dependable and trustworthy

To conclude, we all asked ourselves these vital questions:

• Have I allowed myself to become stuck in unhealthy friendships?

• Do I have the courage to distance myself from relationships that aren’t good for me?

• Am I failing as a friend in any of these areas?

• What can I do to change myself to be a better friend?

• Do I drain the energy from my friends, or do I add to them?

• Am I an inspiration to my friends?

The diary of an ex-sufferer - Dealing with the pain of loss.

Today we're continuing with the diary of Antonia Alencar, an ex-sufferer whose life got transformed. If you've missed the beginning of her story, follow it here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.

Antonia Alencar - the author of this incredible diary.

My parents decided to get a divorce and they both went their separate ways. I had to learn to deal with that situation. After they were separated for a year, we received bad news - my father had passed away. 

I wasn't prepared

Although at that stage I was stronger in my spiritual life and better equipped to deal with problems, I wasn't prepared to deal with that news. Which daughter is prepared to bury her father? I remember the tears rolling down my face and feeling so much pain. The thought of never seeing him again was unbearable.

Comfort

His Word never fails!

Through all my pain, God comforted me with this beautiful Word: 

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

(Revelations 21:4)

He will wipe away your tears.

This word got engraved inside of my heart and it helped me overcome the pain of loss. Perhaps you've also lost someone close to you - your mother, father, brother, friend, spouse or boyfriend, and maybe you are still crying because of the loss. This loss is making you suffer. Well, friend, this pain can end. He will wipe away every tear from your eyes. My tears were wiped away and the pain started lessening, until it was gone, and today I have an Eternal Father, One who will never pass away!

Join me next week for part 6, the penultimate post, where I'll tell you about my love life! Don't miss!

Claudia, Ligia and Priscila in Brazil.

Hear from Claudia in Brazil, where she meets up with her daughter Priscila and our friend, Ligia. The three send you a special promise. Are you ready?

Claudia's Trip to the Temple of Solomon - Heathrow Airport

Claudia is off to the Temple of Solomon in Brazil, on a special mission of faith, but before she left, she left a special message for you. Follow updates of her mission her on our blog!

Out with the old, in with the new!

Erika and her husband, Francisco, on their way to the UK.

In 2003 I moved from South Africa to the UK. My husband and I could only bring one suitcase each, weighing 23kg and another smaller one as hand luggage. You can imagine that we were not able to fit many things in those suitcases, considering that we were moving indefinitely to the UK. 

Left behind

I had to leave some things behind, so I wouldn't have access baggage. I left them in a suitcase with a friend, with the hope that they would be sent to me later on.

A few months after arriving in the UK, a friend from here travelled to South Africa and was able to bring my suitcase back. When she called me to pick my suitcase up, I was so happy! I was finally going to have my things!

Old Baggage

But, strangely, when I opened the suitcase, I realised that I no longer needed anything that was there. I had already got used to living without those items and had bought other things to substitute what I had left behind.

Many years later, Francisco and Erika Lima today.

Many times we hold on to the memory of things we once had but no longer need, for example, an old relationship that used to be bad, but at some point provided companionship. Many choose to hold on to those few good memories, forgetting the reason why they decided to leave that relationship in the first place. 

What are you carrying that needs to make room for the new? Fact is, if we don't get rid of the old, we will never make room for the new. Let go of the old ideas that impede you from seeing life from a different, much better perspective. Set yourself free!

By Erika Lima.

Women's Meeting Podcast - 12/05/2015

As we won't be able to have our meeting today, we've recorded this special podcast where we explore further our role as women. Rita Oliveira and daughter, Carla Vieira share what makes their relationship work as mother and daughter, and Carla speaks about how her mother has helped her to prepare for marriage. 

We also have Marcia Paulo, Helena Marques and Tania Gomes in studio, sharing about the influences of friendships.

The diary of an ex-sufferer - The little girl grew up.

Today we're continuing with the diary of Antonia Alencar, an ex-sufferer whose life got transformed. If you've missed the beginning of her story, follow it here: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Antonia now has reason to smile.

As I grew up and became a young woman, I started getting more independent. We moved to another city and now I was working and studying. I wanted to have money to buy things for me. I worked in multinational companies and the woman who grew up poor now had money. 

The unexpected emptiness

I chose not to be selfish and would never deny help to anyone who needed it, but I had a great emptiness inside of me. Money did not fulfil me as I expected. I couldn't understand what was going on. I had so many conflicts inside of me. 

I tried committing suicide many times and the emptiness inside of me led to depression. I started getting involved with bad friends, I'd hear voices and see visions. I developed a lot of traumas. 

The invitation that changed my life

While my life was going from bad to worse, one day I received an invitation written, "Your life can change!" It seemed too good to be true, but I was desperate. Perhaps you've received similar kinds of invitations before, but you've never considered them. Well friends, I did! I told myself, I need this change. That's how I came to meet the Healer who transformed my life. He is so beautiful!

For the first time in her life, Antonia prayed and God heard her prayer.

In my first visit at the UCKG HelpCentre, I listened to the Pastor preach and it was as if he were speaking about my life. I thought he was some sort of fortune teller, but he wasn't. 

Please change 

my life!

God knew what I was going through and He was reaching out to me through that Pastor. I had my first true conversation with God, "I don't know Who you are, but I'm asking You to please change my life!"

He heard my prayer and He began a great work inside of me! Today I'm completely transformed. I'm no longer empty, I don't struggle with depression anymore, because I have received life and joy! 

There is hope for you!

Perhaps you are plagued with traumas in your life, depression, suicidal thoughts or you have a broken love life. Well, I'm now extending the same invitation I once received: Your life can change! God can and will change your life. I am a true witness of this. Don't fear!

The Rainbow Theatre - home of the UCKG HelpCentre's Headquarters in the UK

The UCKG HelpCentre is open 7 days a week, from 6am to 9pm, at the Rainbow Theatre, 232 Seven Sisters Road, London, N4 3NP. To find the HelpCentre nearest to you, click here to view other addresses.

Next in my diary - Part 5, Dealing with the pain of loss.

How to achieve the perfect marriage.

This week in our meeting we sought to understand a woman's role in marriage. For a marriage to work, both need to understand each other's needs and be able to meet these needs. This is the reason why many marriages end up in divorce or betrayal, because basic needs are not being met, and it leads to frustration and pain.

Meeting each other's needs

The popular saying that women are from Mars and men from Venus could not be any truer when it comes to marriage. Men and women want different things from marriage, and failing to realise this has led many to be disappointed and frustrated, to the point of getting divorced.

Randal and Claudia Brito, opposites that live together in good harmony!

What we women look for in a partner is providence and protection. Even the most independent woman is searching for a provider. She may not need someone to provide financially for her, but she is looking for a reliable man, who will remain faithful only to her and will be there to support her through life, to pick her when she's down and to provide emotional stability to her.

Men on the other hand are searching to be superheroes. They are driven by a sense of achievement, and want to feel like they are conquering something in marriage. Their most desired price is their wife's respect, which is a stamp of approval.

Newly weds, Renan and Carla Vieira vowed to meet each other's needs.

Mars meets Venus

So, with these differences in mind, how can we best meet each other's needs. The Bible advises:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:22,23)

Many view submission as being someone's doormat, annulling your personality and being humiliated by a man. 

But that's not how God intended it to be. God intended submission to be about respecting your husband so his needs may be met and in turn, he will meet yours by providing for you. It's a give and take that allows two completely different creatures to come together in good harmony.

Luis and Moti Bernardino have been together for 18 years.

I found submission to be humiliating

For many years, Moti used to agree with popular culture. She shared, "Every time I would go to a wedding and would hear the Pastor mention submitting to your husband, my stomach would knot. 

I detested the idea and even decided to never get married. But, I fell in love and it turned to be my turn to hear the very same words. 

Because I respected God's Word, I gave it a shot. However, every time I would have to set aside my will to to do his, I got angry and felt humiliated."

When Moti finally understood her role as a wife and this give and take, she began enjoying her marriage.

We finalised the meeting saying, the measure you use will be measured back to you. If you choose to be protective of yourself and keep holding on to your ways, how can you expect someone to do the same for you? 

Submission is not about losing, it's choosing to make the person you love happy, just as he will do for you.

The diary of an ex-sufferer - the unexpected arrives!

In case you missed the beginning of this diary, you might want to start at the beginning.

Part 1
Part 2

Antonia Alencar and her brother Vando.

The unexpected always happens when we least expect it. Life was difficult enough, but one beautiful day, my mother found out that she was pregnant. We were all shocked, wondering how our lives were going to be now, with this extra mouth to feed. We were already struggling as three girls and now we were going to have one more addition to the family!

We asked food 

from our neighbours

We had no choice. We had to work hard not to let things fall apart. Time passed and we had many struggles, but finally the baby was born and it was a boy! I would look at my brother and would start crying, imagining what sort of struggles he would have to go to. 

Just as I imagined, he faced many struggles along with us. We had to ask food from the neighbours, who all knew about our difficulties and that my father was an alcoholic. They felt sorry for us and would help us.

Vando and their mother, Nilda. 

My father almost 

killed my mother

Time flew by and I remember the only toy he had was a wooden car. Life went on. When my father was drunk, he would beat my mother a lot. He almost killed her in front of our own eyes. We would scream at him, asking him, "Father, please don't kill our mother!" Then he'd stop. This continued for eight long, hard years.

My dreams of having a united and loving family were slipping farther and farther away from me.

What about you, friend? Do your dreams seem out of reach as well? Are you living a life filled with disappointment and pain?

Well, I met someone who changed my entire life and transformed my pain into joy.

Join me next week Saturday, for more of my story - Part 4, the little girl grew up!

All About You Studio Chat 002

So, we promised you something special today and here it is! We're so excited!!! Here's our 'All About Moti' Studio Chat.

Get to know how it was for her to grow up during Apartheid, and see some of your questions answered. More will be answered on Sunday. Enjoy!

The mystery of the missing fortune.

Daiane Decothé

My great grandfather left Italy with his wife and children. They arrived in Brazil with nothing but the clothes on their back. He started cleaning people’s houses for a living and worked in plantations.

From servant to businessman

I never got to know him, but I believe he was a strong-willed man. He worked hard and managed to build a legacy. He went from being a mere servant to becoming a very prominent businessman in São Paulo, Brazil.

You would imagine that with such success, his family’s quality of life would improve drastically, right? But, my grandfather told us that they continued living poorly.

A well kept secret

My great grandfather was so afraid of losing everything, that he saved everything he earned, without ever spending much. No-one understood what my he did with all his fortune. It was a well kept secret.

In the late 50s, my great grandfather passed away and his children inherited everything. Many years went by and unfortunately they lost the businesses and had to sell the house, still wondering where my great grandfather’s fortune had ended up, since he didn’t even have a bank account.

The mystery unravelled

Well, as they were about to hand over the house to its new owner, the mystery was finally unravelled. They found a safe full of money hidden behind a portrait on the wall. They had finally found the missing fortune!

But, there was just one problem! So much time had passed by, Brazil had gone through a currency change and all that fortune had now become worthless.

What my great grandfather had feared the most happened. Everything was lost. All the fortune he left behind only served as a remembrance of nights of hard labour and a life sacrificed in vain.

Young Daiane with friends.

What did I learn with his story?

Don’t live your life based on fear and don’t depend on material riches, because everything that is material has a validation date. It will expire one day.

By the way, I forgot to tell you that everything that was in that safe was given to all the great grandchildren, including me. It all became great toys for us kids to play with.




By Daiane Decothé